Married but no and pressured wife?

Call it what it is...a dysfunctional marriage with little hope. Quit threatening divorce and file for it. What you describe here is beyond repairing unless she has a miraculous change of heart and I don't forsee that happening. If you're like most married people you have needs that need addressed at least once a month. If she can't attend to those needs you should find somebody who will...after a legal separation.